Dougie
by dahoodilie
Summary: This is a Doug fic he is having trouble dealing with Jack and his relationship not knowing what to do see how he deals with it in capeside.(Doug Angst)


**I love jack but I thought I'd do one about Doug and I think I did a great job on portraying Jack and Doug's relationship so if you like it tell me I appreciate it bye**

**Don't own nothing bye **

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**I gazed upon his happy face never knowing why he loved me, never knowing why he cared for my poor soul. He was my savior I was never his and the few time I did save him from his sorrow it was because he gave me the strength to do so. Jack McPhee was he is the sweetest man I have ever known he picks me up when I'm down and I can never thank him enough for all he has done for me. He brought me out of the closet but I perfectly comfortable living in it until he showed me that I could live without fear of others judgment. That I was a good person and as long as I was happy that was all that mattered. He would hold me close like I was a child which felt good since I was never given the proper child hood mine was spent in constant fear of my father what he would do if he knew of my desire. **

**I suppressed the pain deep down in me to which it could not resurface but it did and Jack is why it did so I saw that he was happy with himself not afraid anymore of judgment free to live a happy life. Both me and Jack had one thing in common, we both were alone and when Jack told me he was lonely I looked in disbelief because he is always surrounded by friends and family he just looked at me quietly speaking "its all an act for the people I love, you see if they knew of my pain it would ruin their happiness so I choose to sit and suffer alone" I was amazed that he was going through what I was he just learned to deal with it better and has been dealing with it longer.**

**He looked at me unfazed by the emotional part of our conversation smiling at me. I asked him if he would like to stay over to talk about our feelings he nodded silently. We moved to the living room of my apartment not knowing what was going to happen next just doing what felt right in my heart. I gave him some hot chocolate he took the glass eagerly sipping it telling me everything about his life how he alone had to take care of his family because his father left. I told him of my fears he looked me in the eye telling me it was completely normal. I nodded quietly does it get any better he bowed his head silently not really but it does get easier to mask the pain inside your soul not letting anyone know of your sorrow you have suffered until you become numb not wanting to feel anything because to feel love would be to feel the pain of times past.**

**We became great friends nothing was sexual since Jack was way too young for me. Most of our time was spent just talking or going places not as a couple no we went as friends until that one night I told him of my desire to be with him not knowing if he would return my love. He left the room to the kitchen without saying a word I worried of his shock so I followed him there I grabbed his shoulder to comfort him through his shock he screamed don't fucking touch me I don't want it I stood there surprised by his sudden anger at me. He told me how it was not right and why couldn't we just stay friends and that what I wanted was wrong we should just be friends why couldn't I just leave it as just friends.**

**He didn't speak to me in day's I was starting to worry I finally found him on the side of the rode lost and dazed I yelled his name but he kept walking on the sidewalk. As I followed him in my squad car I told him I was scared too and that I thought it was a leap we could take together but we could still befriends if he didn't want me anymore but I told him my love for him was more real than anything I have ever known. Ever since I saw Jack I knew he was the one for me and no other man would ever do for me. He looked at me in the car begging him to love me he got in and turned to me "I love you" my heart melted right there and then I knew it was meant to be me and Jack.**

**Thing's got worse worse when Jen died I knew he loved her with a love he could never give to me but I stayed with him because I knew he needed me to pick him up of the floor and it felt good to not be the one that needed the shoulder to lean on, I told him everything was gonna be alright he said he believed me but I felt like we were growing apart not knowing how to fix our situation I ran leaving him alone in his sorrow. I left the night it was raining of all nights to leave my only love I left feeling that he did not need me to add to his life problems. He had too much to handle with Amy as a constant reminder of Jen to cause him pain and I did not want him to worry about me so I left a note to him on the table.**

**I still remember writing the dreadful thing in tears of pain of living without him by my side. I had to leave not knowing if he would be ok that note told him of my concern and how I would return when I got myself together so as not to be a child he had to deal with but the man of our family, the rock. I folded up the note putting it on the table leaving his name on the back in cursive letters. I went into the room staring at him not wanting to leave that rain outside began to pour making the sound of pitter patter on the roof. I slowly bent over still in tears kissing him on the forehead gentle goodbye Jack. I traveled to Amy's room kissing her goodbye before I left out the door to start my new life.**

**It was two months before I returned to what I left behind never having contact with Jack for fear of worrying him to the point where he could not sleep. I did not know how to get back in his life so I waited, watched him to see if he still longed for the day that I returned. I saw him take Amy one day and that's when I made my move towards him. I simply walked up to him saying hello giving him my gift in the hope he would understand why I left so he could be happy not, taking care of me, I handed him the present I got this for you and I've got my act together and I'm ready for you, me and Amy. He looked angry but tears were in his eyes as he spoke you left me and Amy so I didn't have to take care of you and you think a gift can change that he was screaming now I didn't know what to do I had never seen him so angry at me before. **

**He threw the gift back at me in anger I pleaded listen I love you. He started to walk off but I stood in front of him stopping his attempt to escape my plead for forgiveness Jack I've changed I love you and I left to learn to not be so dependant upon you I was scared that you would leave me for another younger more together than me listen I wanted to be the best lover you ever had I wanted to be the man I thought you wanted me to be and I saw myself as weak and unreliable but now I've got it together so please take me back. He looked at me "I loved you the way you just as you were there was nothing wrong with the way you depended upon me and I'm not going anywhere your stuck with me for good so get used to the idea" he smiled a smile that made me melt into a hug that had long since been delayed he put his arms around me I felt like crying but did not dare to shed a tear in front of Jack I changed I was going to be the man of the family and my father never did cry not a single tear so I told myself this is not the place not the time to do this get it together. We walked back to the house where I told him my story of the night I left and he began to cry instead of him holding me I finally was taking care of him and that power of someone else needing you felt great it was like a power surge I had just experienced. I held him tight not never stopping I held him for hours not wanting to let go but then darkness came.**

**I walked him up to his room but as I began to leave out the door he spoke softly with the smile that had a hidden more sadistic side "you know this bed has been really empty since you left would you like to fill that empty space" I walked over sat down next to him gazing into his eyes kissing him soft at first but he wanted me so bad kissing me harder than he ever had we sat there in our bed I rolled him over to where he was under me I stopped our frantic make out session to speak I guess this means you forgive me for leaving he just kissed me again. He started to undo my shirt as I did his the same not caring how much time he took he kissed my chest I felt the adrenaline rush form the feeling of his kiss. I ran my hand through his hair gentle petting him like a dog. I began to undo his pants to get to what I really wanted which was him in the bed nude and waiting for me to please him I pulled his pants off in one swift movement he wasn't phased by this he just continued to kiss me I whispered to him I love you he didn't answer to my words not stopping his lust for me but how could I resist Jack he was an excellent lover in so many ways that you couldn't count them.**

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